just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
