You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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