I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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