Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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