i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
