we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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