ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
