you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize