xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
