Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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