Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
