I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
grandma shit on top of the toilet
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
