I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
