NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
