I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
