party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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