im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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