you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
