i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
