Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My bed smells like the plague
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
