Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Success! We fucked roommates!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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