My first STD was from a foam party
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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