is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
