wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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