I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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