Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
