I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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