Barsexuality is the new black.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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