***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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