well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
