I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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