Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
