I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
