she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
