I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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