Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
