wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
