she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
