Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
