words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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