You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
