So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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