you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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