DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
