I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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