break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
