mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
