since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We need to get me chipped asap
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
