dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
