What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
