I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
