Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
