I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
