RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
