Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
