I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
