i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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