it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
