I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
