she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
