the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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