the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
