Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
