Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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